As mentors, we often prepare ourselves by researching topics or attending trainings as ways to hone our mentoring skills and better support our mentees. Doing so can prepare you for a variety of possible conversations and scenarios, therefore having more tools in your metaphorical toolbox is always a good thing. Just like most life experiences, however, mentoring in practice can sometimes throw us some challenges that we weren’t expecting. The good news is that you already know how to handle this like a pro: let your mentee take the lead.
We strongly encourage you to follow your mentee’s lead in all things match-related: activities, pace of trust-building, conversation topics, or even if there’s conversation at all! Youth are rarely given the option of how to spend their time, and part of what makes your visits so special is that when you’re together, they call the shots. Over time, consistency, reliability, and being a nonjudgmental listener can go a long way to building trust in your mentoring match.
We are living in a time of political volatility and violence, as well as severe economic stress. It is impacting many of us directly, mentees included. Your mentee may want to open up to you about what they are hearing from peers or adults in their lives. If a big topic arises from your mentee during a visit, you can provide an opportunity for them to process more if they would like. “Wow, that sounds really tough. Would you like to talk about it?” or a similar phrase can let your mentee know that you are willing and able to listen to them. If they begin to talk, then listen, validate feelings, and ask them more open-ended questions. If your mentee asks your opinion about a tough topic, ask what’s bringing up that topic or feeling. Usually they are asking because they want to process their own feelings on the issue.
The important thing to remember is to let your mentee lead the way. In following your mentee’s lead in difficult conversations, you are helping them articulate and express their emotions first and foremost, in addition to showing them that you care about their thoughts and feelings. Knowing they are validated and supported will further strengthen your relationship with your mentee, allowing the friendship to continue to grow and flourish.
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