One of the most common questions we receive around the holidays is, “Is it ok to get my mentee a gift?” You already provide the most important gift each week – your time and friendship. Still, we acknowledge that many mentors wish to give their mentees small gifts commemorating your friendship this time of year.
Like every one of us with complicated families (that’s everyone!), your mentee can be anticipating the upcoming winter holidays with a range of feelings. Most students tend to discuss holiday plans, but there are reasons some mentees might not. They could be feeling sadness around their missing loved one or anxiety around financial circumstances at home. Also, some families don’t participate in gift-giving, for reasons ranging from different religious beliefs to financial difficulties. Approach these topics with an open-ended question like, “How are you feeling about the upcoming winter break?” or “Do you have any traditions you’re excited about?” Give your mentee the opportunity to process any feelings they might be having, happy or sad.
If you want to give a gift and you know that your mentee and their caregiver are ok with receiving a gift, we ask that you keep the gift to $20 or less and make it relevant to your relationship. For example, if you bring a small card game that the two of you enjoy playing, you could give them their own copy. Or if you know they enjoy reading, you could get them a book. If your mentee enjoys drawing, a sketchbook or some colored pencils could make thoughtful gifts. Remember that a gift is a gift, and once given your mentee gets to choose what to do with it. If upon consideration this thought gives you pause, it’s probably not the right gift for you to give your mentee.
In keeping with teaching the value of time, you could also work on something together: holiday decorations, portraits that you draw of each other, a list of reasons you appreciate each other, or a poem about your time together. These are all activities that you could do with minimal supplies and that would give you both a tangible item to present to each other as gifts. Gifts you work on jointly can serve as great activities and bonding experiences for your December visits, too!
A final note about gifts: Your mentee is still learning social etiquette and the basic dynamics of friendship. Gift-receiving is not necessarily comfortable for mentees. They may be unaccustomed to opening a wrapped gift or it could be awkward. That’s okay. If you have questions about any of this, or anything else, your Mentor Director is always available and eager to help!