An essential part of mentoring is being an ally to your mentee. To help with greater understanding of allyship, we’ve compiled a glossary of helpful terms for you here. It’s also important to think of the term “ally” not as something that you can become or declare yourself as, but rather as a verb. Being an ally means consistently and actively looking for ways to support people who are often marginalized and/or denied positions of power and decision-making opportunities. It can be a difficult process of life-long learning that involves challenging norms we grew up with; and evaluating our own assumptions and biases. Allies use empathy, listening, and active approaches to learning to support mentees in becoming fully comfortable and embracing their fullest, authentic selves.

Each of us exist at the intersections of visible and invisible identities, as well as personal and professional (or inward and outward facing). We carry all of those parts of ourselves as we navigate the world, and into every interaction we have with others. As we get older, our identities have a tendency to become more rigid, but it’s important to remember that our mentees are still in the midst of figuring out who they are and what is important to them. 

It’s normal for youth to be exploring these aspects of themselves. This could appear to an outsider as random phases of trying on subcultures or other identities in order to decide something does or doesn’t fit. Try to remember what it was like when you were a kid figuring out who you were – having concerns about how peer groups or family will respond, trying to be “normal”, etc. This exploration of self and identity makes it even more important for mentors to stay in that role of trusted, nonjudgmental friend who listens while our mentee is figuring things out.

This fantastic video has some great tips on how to be an ally. We would like to highlight these important steps:

• Listen. Really hear what your mentee has to say.
• Respect lived experience. Even if we share very similar backgrounds, our mentees are living a distinctly different experience than we did. We must be careful not to project our own ideas onto what we think things “should” be, and honor what they claim as their lived experience.
• Provide the support that you’re asked for, unconditionally. We all want what’s best for our mentees, which sometimes makes us as mentors want to put a lot of emphasis on academics or other metrics. If our mentee wants to play games instead of focus on grades during mentoring visits, then that’s how we spend our time together.
• Be aware of the space that you’re taking up. Think back to that 70/30 rule from New Mentor Orientation. We should be creating opportunities for the mentee to speak more, not dominating the conversation.

It’s easy to feel intimidated by new trends or changing language around identity, but the truth is these steps will come naturally by grounding ourselves in the role of mentor; a consistent, trusted, nonjudgmental friend. Should you feel uncertain or have any questions, your Mentor Director is always here to help!